If I had given up when it felt hopeless…
If I had stopped when I was sure it would never work…
If I had let up on trying because I had not yet found success…
Think of what I never would have seen.
I never would have had the chance to feel the warmth of the sun on my skin. I would not have paused in that feeling, the first moment I remember joy returning to my life.
I would have missed my first big God moment, walking into the service for a family friend who had passed on, only to realize that she left this earth the day I finally managed to place my feet on solid ground.
Their family had introduced me to the rooms of AA when I was a young child, one of the reasons that I knew there were places to go when I, myself, had lost the reigns.
I always liked the idea of guardian angels or being guided by and protected by our ancestors and loved ones, but I know I had never had any moments like this one. It was almost like having the wind knocked out of me, but in such a comforting way. I had this revelation and it was so solid in that moment. There was nothing about it that was worrisome and there were no questions in my mind. It was almost like everything suddenly got softer. The world round me faded out an I thought to myself, “I knew someone had my back this time.”
She got her angel wings and pulled some angel strings.
And I got my miracle.
I wouldn’t have reached milestones in my recovery from addiction. I would never have had the opportunity to gain clarity of mind and connection with spirit.
I would not have been able to repair my relationship with my daughter. I would not have seen her graduate or fall in love. I would not have had a chance to tell her, earnestly, what happened to me and what I now do differently.
I would never have seen a struggling addict in detox moved to tears by hearing me say it is never too late.
If I had accepted defeat when I felt defeated…
There are so many things I never would have seen.
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