“what do you do?” … I shine.

I meet someone new and inevitably they’ll ask me, “what do you do?”

The question generally pertains to a career. The way a person makes their money will dictate how a fair amount of their time is spent. A lot of people have put time and money towards becoming an expert in their field. A lot of people are proud of that. A lot of people use their career to define them or to assign some kind of worth to their presence on earth.

This is one of the fundamental things I never received when whoever was designing me submitted the final draft. God knows I’m far from unmotivated. God knows I’m far from lazy. Quite often I flail in the wrong direction or put my energy towards things that really don’t need it, it’s just that I’ve never seen any money making endeavor as a part of who I truly am. That’s not a part of how I define what makes me, me.

I was a commercial cook for many years. It wasn’t anything special, really. I was talented enough at it, eventually, and I took pride in what I did but I just didn’t see it as all that important.

On one hand I know plenty of people who find great satisfaction in their vocation. There are lots of people in my life who love what they do or who find deeper purpose in a job well done. Some people live to work. And I’m a big supporter of putting energy into things that we love or which fulfill us.

The rest of the people I know kind of resent their jobs and are quick to label it as a sacrifice or a burden. Some people seek more, change positions, upgrade skills or otherwise alter their path to make it more bearable. Some won’t. Some wear that burden like a badge of honour. Some weaponize their sacrifice by labeling me “lazy”, though I’ve never really been convinced that I wanted more misery in my life.

It’s entirely possible this is a missing wire in my circuitry. It’s entirely possible there IS something wrong with me. I mean, doctor’s and the government now agree that I’m not equipped to maintain employment and neither is this body of mine.

“what do you do?”

People who ask this are asking how you earn a living, of course. They aren’t necessarily inquiring as to what fulfills you as a person. Still, from where I’m sitting it’s far from simple, isn’t it? I wear a lot of hats in a day, don’t I? Is it appropriate to answer with, “I don’t work”?

I most certainly work.

See, the way I see it, motherhood is my most important job. I don’t think of it as a lesser assignment. I don’t think I’m wasting my life or my talent on this but I can see not everyone agrees with me. There’s a level of either superiority or pity to it.

I feel like everyone values the role a parent plays. People who have difficult home lives or strained relationships with their families will often ponder who they could have been with tender love and support. Many will carry these wounds throughout their lives. Many people will inadvertently pass these along to their own children.

Alternately, talking to someone who has been raised in a supportive and encouraging environment, they will be the first to tell you the impact this has had on their ability to succeed in many facets. Regardless of which scenario we identify with or relate to, I believe you’d be hard pressed to find anyone who would tell you parenting is a side bar to the development of the human psyche.

“What do you do?”

Well, I’m a part time drill sergeant. I’m a part time cook. I’m a part time secretary and treasurer. I’m a part time therapist and personal shopper. I’m a part time nurse and often a driver. I’m a nag. I’m a friend. I’m a version of Jiminy Cricket. I’m the voice of reason and a source of anxiety. I am the one who fields the questions, remembers the allergies and appointments and who has the important documents on hand. I am a voice, an advocate. I am the watcher and protector and there’s not a single task more important.

I shine.

When they have questions I shine light upon answers. When I don’t know the answers I illuminate a way to find them. I point my own lantern in the directions available and light the way on whatever path they choose.

Not a gatekeeper but an educator who knows how little she truly knows. A steward of “the way”, if only in demonstrating the importance of forging forward.

Not one person gets out unscathed, of course. The point was never to get it perfect.

What do I do? I shine.

I take a step back and reflect on my mistakes and I adjust the brightness and focus a touch so I can be better next time.

I sparkle most when I admit I’ve been wrong and recalibrate my direction.

I didn’t have my children so I could spend my life trying to get away from them. And that’s still true as a single mom battling for even four days off from the job (I don’t have a job, sorry I forgot) per month.

To tell you the honest truth…

There’s not one thing that I feel could be more important than what I do.