Don’t Do That

People told me I would love being in my thirties. I did not.

“you’ll come into your own.”

“you’ll lean into who you are.”

“you’ll stop caring what people think.”

Incorrect, friends. It was a very unpleasant shit show. I wanted to disappear more times than I can count. Some of my best friendships became tumultuous. Things happened that I didn’t have the tools to manage. Loss occurred that I didn’t know how to process.

I hinged a great deal of what I knew on things I didn’t actually know.

I put loyalty before autonomy and dignity, for starters. I allowed someone else’s projections to define me.

Don’t do that.

There are a lot of ways to “work” and not all of those look like “employment”.

There’s a lot more to be said for stepping in faith than people ever realize.

Controlling people isn’t power. It’s the tool of weak, cowardly people who lack the skills to motivate themselves or others.

When someone is unkind to you, do not accept that “it’s just how they are”. Understand that it’s actually just how they choose to treat you and it isn’t going to change.

People will lie to you. People will say they value honesty but they generally prefer liars over truth tellers.

When you start your life over again, no matter how or when, it’s going to feel a hell of a lot like dying. That’s okay. You have to kill off the parts of you that hold you back.

You know why they tell us to be soft and demure as females? Why femininity is ideally unsuspecting and aesthetically pleasing? Why our ability to hush up and be uncomfortable is preferable en masse? Because once unleashed, the flames of feminine rage become a life altering wild fire.

I believed I was loved by people who were holding me back and keeping me small.

I allowed the tiniest of minds to tell me what I could or could not do.

I was stifled by the world’s cruelty. By the mediocrity of people who don’t have the drive to go for more.

I believed they were talking about me when all the time they were talking about themselves.

Maybe your thirties will be your “find yourself” era…

Just remember the world is going to try and put reigns on you. They’re going to tell you there’s a limit to your ability. That the universe doesn’t just reward people who buck the status quo.

I believed them.

Don’t do that.