Author: Lindsay Dianne
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Self Respect is a Trap
I saw a short clip yesterday of someone quoting Friedrich Nietzsche as having said a man who knows too much can’t fit in anywhere. He called it the curse of the enlightened or something like that. I’ve spoken about this myself. If you grabbed me by the face in 2022 and told me that getting…
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They’re Not Like Us
Our family was little. Our family was comprised of just us. I feel the sting of tears and I can hear her voice state clearly, “don’t be sad, ninzie”. Boy, momma. I sure am trying. You aren’t making it easy on me though. This one is a doozy. I feel so weird with no one…
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Fatherless Behaviour
I recently started writing in a journal I was given that offers questions and prompts of reflection. A page asked who I would be without my trauma and pain narrative and caused me to pause for a few minutes. Who WOULD I be without my fatherless behaviour? Sometimes people with abandonment wounds will flutter from…
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You Must Have Forgotten
Sometimes as the day begins to wind down I find myself feeling anxious. I realize I am clenching my jaw and it’s almost like my skeleton wants to climb out of my skin. I can’t immediately figure out what’s wrong with me. I’m uncomfortable. Am I forgetting something? Am I late? No, nothing like that.…
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Love Letters
All this talk of self love is brutal. I have come to understand the basics behind ideas like, “you have to love yourself before anyone else” in a much different way than I ever have before. On an intellectual level I know that I accept far worse treatment when I lack love for myself. I…
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Do You Remember? Of Course I Do.
I have some weird mental block on certain tasks. I know this is an ADHD trait of some kind but there are just some jobs that I “don’t know how to do and don’t care to learn”. Certain things are internally classified as beyond my scope. I am, after all, just a girl at my…
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The Biggest Challenge is to Keep at It Until It’s Not a Challenge Anymore
What is the biggest challenge you will face in the next six months? If you’d have asked me three years ago what my biggest challenge was it would have been living life without cocaine. It wasn’t that I couldn’t picture celebrating without it. It wasn’t that I couldn’t handle the hard times, either. I could…
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Seek and Ye Shall Find, Find Too Much and then Stop Seeking
I didn’t go looking. One of the things I naturally notice are patterns of behaviour. I am inattentive in a lot of ways but fascinated if not fixated on the motives behind the things people do. This is a kind of mental puzzle I do throughout the day to keep my mind occupied. I’ve stopped…
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But I Don’t Like Her
Beating me up is the easiest thing ever. I’ve been practicing being unbelievably mean to myself since I was a child. The default pathway has long been one of deep disdain. This is so incredibly challenging to counteract. It’s especially difficult when people are so forthcoming with their opinions and not so focused on how…
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